Losing It

December 19th, 2025

We have skiable snow in the Minneapolis area. I have been able to get out for 2 days of Cross Country (XC) skiing in the last couple of weeks. The first time out, three of us went over to Elm Creek Park Reserve in Hennepin County. The temperature was in the 20s, but there was a cold breeze out of the the northwest. Trails were groomed and the snow conditions were good. Another day, we skied at William O’Brien State Park near the Saint Croix River. That day was a little warm and sunny, above freezing when we started out.

As expected, the first day out for the season can be tiring. In addition, it can take a while to get your feeling of balance back. It also takes a little bit to rediscover your feel for stepping and gliding and realizing an efficient style. The last time I skied was 2 years ago, and that was a single day in a nearly snowless winter.

The second outing was started in mid afternoon, when the snow was wet and slow in the sunlight. However, as we rounded the looping trail, the sun was almost down, and the dropping temperature re-froze the snow into a hard fast surface. I was at a point were maintaining control on the downhill parts of the trail was problematic, given both the slipperiness and skiing with already tired muscles.

I am now about 1 1/2 months from my 70th birthday, and find myself desperately not wanting to take a fall. This is especially true, given my recent reading of articles about the things most likely to kill you at age 70+. Falls, are one thing that are most likely to affect longevity, not necessarily because of the fall itself, but rather long term effects of the fall. The danger is in injury that causes loss of mobility in later life. Your subsequent health can decline in a hurry.

Unlike in younger years, when one might be a little reckless, never worried about a crash, your mind starts to be more conservative. Yet, when you need the most control, you find yourself unable to find that strength and coordination that you once had. Your confidence escapes you right at a time when it is confidence that you need to edge the skis and dig into that slick snow, forcing a snow plow or stem turn that can slough off your speed and keep you out of trouble. Your brain, still thinking like you are young, still gives you that feeling like you can pull off those agile feats of your past, but can’t seem to communicate that down to aging muscles.

I used to do a lot of Telemark turns at downhill ski areas and on side hills out in the mountains. I spent a season in Park City, Utah, linking turns down the slopes at Deer Valley, Alta, Snowbird, and Park City ski areas. I don’t think I fell a single time that year and we skied almost every day. Sometimes we were knee deep in powder, and even once, when we traversed over the backbone of the Wasatch Range above tree line, the windswept snow was so hard it was like skiing on cement (we sat on our skis and used them like sleds), but we were young and could confidently launch ourselves into nearly any conditions.

Now, its all gone. Over the years, technique, strength, stamina, has eroded. I can still feel what it is like in my mind, but my body can no longer copy what my mind sees. It is all memories now. Yet, I wonder, could I work out, exercise, get my self back in good enough shape to rip off a few Tele turns down the mountain? The logical part of my mind says no. Don’t even try. It would not be worth the chance of injury. I should be happy to do what I can now do. Just be happy with a walk through the woods, or a hike along a trail at timberline. Wade a shallow trout stream. Sit in a camp chair and watch a distant herd of elk.

Just be satisfied with the memories.