Depression, Moving West, and a Mishap

September 13th, 2022

Sundays and Monday holiday evenings have often been hard for me. They often were the last evening before going back to work after enjoyable times. They also often mark the culmination of a vacation or event with family and friends. There is a certain amount of excitement and noise associated with either and then everybody departs, and things go quiet. My mind has time to start overthinking and loneliness or depression enter my thoughts. Another great time in my life is over along with all the planning, dreaming, and expectations. I always thought the main reason for bad feelings, was the knowledge that you must go back to work the next day. This no longer can be the case though, as I am retired. So now I must re-analyze the root cause.

There is probably some chemical reason for feeling depressed. I go from the adventure and camaraderie of spending time with friends and loved ones, to a sudden silence and void. It is sort of like a big adrenaline rush where you feel alert and powerful, followed by a shaky and weak feeling afterwards. Often, the things you did are those that make memories that last a lifetime, even when not seeming all that significant at the time. Lately, it seems more related to the people with which you spend your time.

On Sunday, I woke at 4:00 a.m. to start my 2 and 1/2-hour drive from a campsite near Leadville down to my son’s home close to Boulder. I would soon need to head south for the winter and wanted to see him before leaving for 7 months. We decided a fun close to the summer would be an afternoon at a Colorado Rockies baseball game. We went out for breakfast at his favorite breakfast burrito diner, then headed for the marquee REI store in Denver near the stadium, to browse the outdoor gear. After, we found parking and visited Biker Jim’s Gourmet Hog Dogs for lunch. I opted for the Wild Boar dog, rather than the rattlesnake and rabbit, beef and ostrich, or elk and jalapeno dogs. We then walked the two blocks to the stadium. Tyler had procured seats in the fourth row along the first base line near home plate. This gave us an excellent view of the pitches. With rather poor pitching, the Rockies were down 7 to 3 in the 7th inning, so we left early.

Back at his home, we said our goodbyes and I started the drive up I-70 into the mountains. Then my thoughts were instantly drawn to the negative. A great day was over. I wouldn’t see him again for 7 or more months as I moved to the southwest for the winter. I was going to spend another evening alone in my trailer. Why didn’t I stay in my home back in Oxford? But, I should have been thinking logically. If I had not left Oxford, I would be in a house spending the evening alone. The fun of the day would have never happened. I have lots of exciting things for which to look forward. I would be traveling to new places, the canyon lands of Utah, Moab, Bryce Canyon, the north rim of the Grand Canyon, the desert of the southwest, new people to meet, and friendships to be started. But always, always, the depressing thoughts pushed away the forward thinking. It helped a little when my son texted “you have lots of cool places to go see”.

I finally broke the negativity when I started thinking about the people with which I often communicate. There are my 2 sons, my mother and sisters, the two young ladies from India who have become my best of friends, my son’s long time baseball coach and now ultra-marathoner, 2 of my co-workers and trainees at my last job, and my ski, backpack, and canoeing friends from Minnesota. With their combined calls and texts, they give me little time to dwell on the negative.

After my return from Denver, I checked the weather forecast and early morning temperatures in the Leadville area are predicted to be below freezing. This is a problem for the water pipes on the trailer, so it is time to move out of the high mountains and seek a warmer, lower elevation. So, I left Halfmoon Creek and drove the 3 hours west to Grand Mesa. It is at 9000+ feet of elevation, but on the drier and slightly warmer side of the state. Lows are predicted to still be in the 40s for the next couple of weeks. It is a good staging area for an exit to the canyon lands of Utah. I will try to stay just ahead of cold weather, possibly with a visit to Canyonlands National Park near Moab and Bryce Canyon before heading to the north rim of the Grand Canyon. These are all areas to which I have never been.

On my first morning on top of Grand Mesa, I planned to head down to the town of Mesa to set up General Delivery at the Post Office. I need to have my mail keep up with me. There is also a small grocery there for a food re-supply. However, no sooner had I left the campground than I noticed the PSI warning light for a rear tire. It was down from 38 to 20 overnight. I discovered a large screw in the tread. Fortunately, I purchased a 12-volt compressor before leaving Michigan, so I pumped the tire back up and ran an hour’s drive west to Grand Junction and the tire store to have it patched. I went to O-Tires. They fixed the tire and charged me nothing. Of course, it did cost about 12 dollars in fuel.

So, a few days of hiking and fishing on the Mesa, and then on to Utah. I did take a prescription for depression though. I purchased a loop of one-way airline tickets from Phoenix to visit my mother, sister and friends in Minnesota and my son in Michigan during the holidays. Nothing staves off loneliness like spending money.